macam mana aku nak luahkan apa yang aku rasa kini..

segalanya hanyalah kata lidah yang tidak bertulang....

meskipun segalanya sudahpun berakhir, tapi hati ini masih berat..

seakan memikul kisah lampau yang membeku dalam sanubari ini..

satu pengalaman hidup yang riang dan perit..

diadun sebati menjadi satu nostalgia yang indah dalam diriku..

membentuk sahsiah diri..

entahlah, masa terlalu pantas berlalu menjadikan aku alpa dengan apa yang terjadi..

papepown, aku bingung..

KId's LuRve

When I first met Eika, we took an instant dislike to each other. She was very annoying from my point of view. She liked to correct everyone at all the times. She didn’t care about other people’s feeling. She was such a typical Malay girl that loved to have fun at all time. I don’t know how to describe her but, I really hated her.
I was in the form two when she entered the school. In never see her before, thus I didn’t dare to be close to her. Maybe luck was on my side, the cute little girl sat next to me. I still remembered that there was an empty chair next to me. So, the teacher made up her mind and asked her to sit next to me. Not only me, maybe would all the boys in the world feel a pleasure to sit next to a gorgeous girl. I thought she was kind of polite and hardworking girl. But, I was definitely wrong and far from the actual fact. I felt like I was sitting next to a little devil. She really invaded my privacy. She took everything she wanted to use from my pencil box without a word of `please` or `excuse me`. But what was strange was that she would return it to me nicely with a magical word of thanks after she had used it.
At the end of form two, she scored in her final examination. She got flying colours results. I could not believe my own eyes to see that. It was liked magic. Deep in my heart, I believe that she was such a genius. Why not? During the lesson’s time she never paid attention to what the teacher was teaching. She also rarely completed her homework gave by the subject’s teacher. But yet, she managed to score in exam that she sat. On that day, I congratulated her for her good achievement and I decided to challenge her in the exam.
She was a prefect when we were in form three. I was appointed as the prefect too but since I was in form one. I was the head of discipline committee. So, I had a hard job to improve the school’s discipline. Eika was the top dog of the school. I never had the chance to scold her although she was under my observation as she was in the discipline’s committee. She was not a wild prefect or mixed with the bad groups but her discipline was very bad. She was not a punctual girl. In my observation, she never had any discipline cases but she used to be too kind and gentle to the students while handling some discipline cases. I didn’t know how to advise her because she was very mulish and never wanted to listen to my counsel.
In form three, we got into the same class again, the first class among all the classes, the cream of the school. I sat next to her again and of course was still stuck to her attitude and she simply kept teasing me all the time. She was a happy go lucky girl and she never failed to smile at her friends. Since i was small, no one dared to disturb all my stuff even my siblings didn’t dare to do so. But, what was weird was that I let her to do so to me all the time. She never knew how to rest and be silent at least a minute. She was too hyperactive.
We were going to sit for the PMR this year. So, we really burnt the midnight oil everyday to ensure we had done enough preparation. The exam was around the corner, so I asked Eika to pull her socks but she refused to do so. I wanted to compete with he and she agreed with my idea. She never tried to work harder than before. She was in a very relaxed condition. She was very talented student, she was liked a sponge that absorbed every drop of knowledge and used it during exam wisely.
“Good luck for your exam. Be careful while answering the exam’s question” I wished her on the examination day.“Thank you so much. Good luck to you too. Don’t forget about our deal, boy.” She wished me too and reminded me about our deal before.
Then, we entered the examination hall after a short prayer by the head student. I felt liked cat on the hot bricks but I tried to calm myself and answered every question slowly, properly and wisely. The examination’s day went well and I managed to do the exam very well. I am quite confident that I would be able to score in this examination.
During the December’s holidays, the results were announced. I was very scared and nervous to take the results. I felt butterfly in my stomach. Tears trickled down my cheek when I saw that I had straight A’s. I was really thankful to the Almighty God. Later, Eika and I were announced as the best students of the school. Eika did it again. I really respected her brain. She was too clever for me to compete with her. We congratulated each other on our success.
When I got into form four, I felt very happy. I wanted to sit next to her again this year. It was liked a very competitive contend that I adored. I wanted to sit next to her again this year. But, when I walked into the class, she was not there. She never failed to turn up early in the morning to the class. I felt very curious and missed her. I tried to calm myself. I reserved an empty place next to me for me.
Later, the form’s teacher entered and I was shocked when she told me that Eika had gone overseas. I was shocked and surprised. She should have told me about this. I really felt bad. I always scolded her all the time. She was always my partner in everything that I did and now she had gone. If I had the chance to go back in time, I want to treat her with my best. Eika, you are my best friend forever.

teen's lurve

Actually I don’t know how to start it, but the experience that I have been through in my teenager’s time was the one that I remembered the most in my life time. Every time I heard that melody named mortal, I quickly remembered her. It is almost impossible to believe such incident could happen to me during this age, I can’t deny the faith. Oh, the Almighty God, do help me!
It happened when I was sixteen. I was a boarding school student. I entered that school when I was in form four. I had a lovely life there, together with some of my best buddy named Alai, Izi, Edad, Ekal, Lokman and Paan. We always spent time together during the lessons in the class or during leisure time in the dorm. I was placed in dorm D 205. I did not close to my dorm mates. They are too arrogant of their achievements. I usually loafed at dorm D 202. I felt very comfortable to be in that dorm. Moreover, Izi was in that dorm too. We usually chatted and did our homework together.
I was a rugby player. I loved that game so much. It’s my favourite game because it would release my tension. Izi was a rugby player too. But, he was very lazy about going for training every evening.
“Izi, wake up. Don’t sleep anymore. It’s time for training. Let’s go now or we will be late again.” I scolded him.
“Ace, you go first. In 10 minutes, I’ll be there. Do not worry about me.” He answered me and continued his short nap.
That was the usual situation every evening that happened to me. After all, he was the coolest guy that I ever met in my whole life. He was my best friend. He was always there when I needed him.
It was already November when that particular incident happened to me. I was in the school editorial team. We had less than two weeks to finish the school magazine. I had almost given up about finishing it during that crucial time. I just did not know what to do during that short period given to us. My editor was doing nothing at all which made me to feel even more fed up to finish what since the last six month. I was supposed to type and edit the school co-curricular activities but, no one was willing to help me at that time. I felt so useless.
So, on that evening, after my Friday prayers, I went to the computer lab. I brought together with me some files. I wanted to type some of that into the pc. Alai followed me to the lab, and he wanted to help me. He was just the friend that I was looking for. ‘A friend in need is a friend in deed’. After typing for almost three hour non-stop, I logged on to the internet. Just like an ordinary teenager today, I had my own Myspace and Friendster too. I am feeling so bored on that evening, so I wanted to chat with the online people. I was hoping that I could make some new cool and superb friends to add on my friend’s list in Myspace and Friendster.
I logged on to the KampungChat. I used acezachry as my ID. I chatted with a lot of new friends. Usually, I would just chat about studies, but I was becoming interested in chatting with this girl named Elin. Yup, she was very unique and mysterious. She was a very rare girl to find. Later, after a long chat, she passed me her e-mail address, so I could add her to my friend’s list. I wanted her phone number but she refused to give me as we were still new to each other. I begged her again and again until she agreed to give me her hand phone number. Only God knew how happy I was on that day. I felt the world was mine. I felt in the seventh heaven.
Using the e-mail address she gave me, I logged on to her page. I was surprised by her beauty. She was so gorgeous. I was shocked that I had the chance to meet a beautiful girl like her. I thought she was a typical girl that I usually met in my life. But, her pictures had proved that I was definitely wrong. She looked very innocent, but yet very beautiful and sweet. There was no perfect choice of words to describe her beauty. My heart stop beating seconds when I looked deep into her eyes. I had fallen in love for the first time in my life with her. Although I had met many girls in my life, but she was very different from the rest. She had an aura that attracted me closed to her. It was not only about her attitude but also because her attitude that was very childlike and pamper.
Elin, or her true name which was Erina Erlianna Binti Tengku Hanafi was a daughter to a royal family. She was sixteen on that year, but she was sitting her SPM. Weird isn’t it? It was because she passed her PTS when she was in standard three. She was a mixed parentage child that came from a high class family. But, she was never arrogant about her status indeed; she was a very low profile girl. That was the true side of her, Erina my beloved.
At that night, I told Izi about her. He laughed at me half dead. The same occurred when I told the story to Lokman and Ekal. Only Alai knew the true story and I was sure that he would believed me as he was there when I was chatted with Erina.
“Izi, you must believe me. I found a girl today. My miss perfect. You will be jealous if you saw her.” I said to him and smiled proudly.
“Ha-ha...Don’t ever try to pull my leg. You will never have the chance to meet such girl.” He laughed loudly and walked away.
All right, I guessed I understood their feeling. If I were in their shoes, I would not believe them too. It was almost impossible to meet girl like Erina. I was so thankful and grateful to god as I had the chance to know her. So, to convince them, I asked them to follow me when I wanted to phone her. They said that they would help me with some brilliant ideas on how to get closer to her. I felt delighted and contented to have them as my close friends.
“Hi, may I speak with Erina? This is Ace.” I started the conversation calmly.
“Oh, it’s you Ace. HI! Miss you so much. How are you?” she answered me with a happy tone.
“Me? I’m fine. Thanks. By the way, you have a very sweet voice. I love to hear it” I explained how I admired her voice.
The first conversation went well. I was able to speak clearly and I was surprised that I was not tongue-tied. When I turned back, I could see Izi face shocked and Ekal smiled at me and congratulated me on my good luck on that day. They who claimed that they were going to help me, surrendered because my love story was something unique and they were incapable of helping me at all. But, one thing for sure was that their support was always there when I needed it.
The relationship that Erina and I had was getting closer. We loved to spent time together through phone or message. As the SPM was getting closer, it made me worried about her studies. Every day, I would advise her to study smart and no longer study hard. The time was running out. Moreover, I advised her not to forget to pray to God for her success in her exams. She was a brilliant and smart student. I couldn’t deny that. It was proven when she scored straight A’s in her exams.
On the first day of SPM, woke up early in the morning and prepared myself for the school as usual. Later, I went to the canteen and bought some curry-puff to get some coins. With the coins, I messaged her to remind her to be careful during exams.
“Good luck in your exams baby. Do it carefully and focus on each of it. Baby, remember to have your breakfast before you enter the exam’s hall. I love you baby.”
I messaged her every morning during the first week of SPM. I would rush to the canteen and then public phone daily just to message her every morning. I made it quickly or else I would be late to attend my assembly at the Putra Hall. I really cared about Erina; I loved her more than I loved myself. When she was facing her exams, it was me that was worried more than her. I didn’t know how to survive if only I lost her one day. I already felt that she was half of me.
On the Friday of that particular week, my end year school holidays started. I was so exultant. In house I didn’t have to follow any school rules which were so damn irritating. Besides, I would have my hand phone again to message to my beloved. I coupled with her on that Sunday. I still remembered that it happened on 18th November 2007. She accepted me and my true love towards her. I could feel that my pure love was cherished by her. We chatted a lot on the following weeks. We actually had planned our future together. I told her that I want to be a doctor perhaps a cardiac doctor because I wanted to help the poor people in the country to undergo a better new life. She said that she was proud of me because I was thinking in a matured way. She always supports me in whatever I do in the future. I was so glad to have her at my side. She was my inspiration. Erina was totally opposite me, as she hated biology so much. She preferred physics. She wanted to be a lecturer in Korea. But then, if asked her if we did get married one day where would we stay? She said that a wife should obey her husband. Deep in my heart, I was amazed by her words, very sincere n meaningful. Maybe we had planned to far ahead until we forgot the obstacles that we would face through the coming years.
As our feeling’s developed better from one day to another, I received a messaged as usual from her. But, this time it was a weird messaged.
“Ace, I’m so sorry. I’m not the Erina that you are looking for. She’s now in United Kingdom. She had a problem with her heart. Please hate her best friend, Nana.”
A very short message but it had ruined all my dreams and hopes. Can you imagine how I felt when I received that message? After along sweet time together, I knew this fact. She was actually in United Kingdom. Oh God, please help me through this. I could not believe her words. Maybe, Erina was trying to test my patient and my love towards her. I really hope that it would end up as a game only.
On the next day, I went to see Nana. I waited for her at the Mcd for almost half an hour before she turned up to see me. I wanted to blast her with my temper and anger but I could not do that or it would definitely ruin the day.
“Nana, can I know actually what had happened?” I begged her for an answer softly.
“Ace, actually I don’t know how to start. I guess u know that she had a medical problem with her heart. She was suffered for that since she was two weeks old. Then, it turned serious when she was five years old until now and due to that reason she had to fly to United Kingdom for further medical treatment. Furthermore, her father suffered a stroke recently and is warded in United Kingdom after got an asthma attack. On the next day after she finished her SPM exams, she took an airplane to United Kingdom. Before that, she drop by to my house and passed me her hand phone and ask me to replace her for a short period. Every day, she will be online to tell me what to do for each day. This will look like she is around. Moreover, we had similar voice, so it is hard for others to recognise us. It went well for a few weeks, but later I got fed up and she told me that she couldn’t comeback for these few years. She told me to tell you and always asked me to find the best way, Ace. Again, I’m so sorry for what had happened. I know you loved her so much. I’m proud to see that.” She answered me calmly and sadly. Tears trickled down my cheek without I’m realising it.
My heart was broken into pieces. I cried for the whole day. But then, I woke up and wiped my tears. I believed that I should not give up easily if she was my true love.
After that, I was left hanging with my life. But, I knew that her mother was a doctor in Ireland and her father was working in United Kingdom now. I was told that she would be back in three years time. I know how I am going to be patient to wait the three years to end. I really want to study hard and try my best to get the scholarship to further my study at there.
She’s always my beloved. There is always empty space in my heart for her to fill. She is the light that lights up the dim side of my life. I can’t forget her at all. Every single moment my mind always remembered her kindness and pamper attitude. I try my best to search for her. Only she can fill the void in my heart. She’s very charming and lovely. I always hope that she realises how much I love and care about her. That is my story. My teen’s time that was full of joy and obstacles. My teen’s time that was so sweet yet it was hurting me deep inside till today. A story that will always be deep in my heart.
I LOVE YOU ERINA. I love you so much. I love you more than Romeo loves the Juliet. Although you are far away from me, but you are spiritually next to me. My love towards you will not fade away but will light brightly in my heart until my last breath taken away. I hope these three years will pass by as fast as the night turns to a day.